Five and a half years ago today, the direction of my life changed forever.
What I'm sharing with you here is really all common sense but the ways in which it was presented to me during this time - how I listened, absorbed and realized... powerful.
The following is a bit silly and off topic but relative - please bear with me. Six years ago in New Orleans while passing sign after glittery, neon sign of "Tarot Readings" and "Fortunes Told", I just HAD to add to the Bourbon Street experience. The Tarot reader assigned to me was not at all what I expected - quite the opposite. This pretty, soft-spoken, young woman gently ushered me to a room through a doorway of sparkly beads that shadowed us from the rest of the world. As she carefully placed each fortune-telling card on the table, my thoughts wandered to her youth and general inexperience with life. I quickly decided to forgo telling her that I had recently written a book (a major lifelong goal of mine)...keeping it from her as a test to see if she'd come up with anything in the cards verging on this type of achievement. After studying the cards for a few brief minutes, she told me that I had just done something "big", but she said that it was not going to be as successful as I had hoped. She did say, however, that I would be mentored and find great success in another way. She couldn't expound. I wondered what it could possibly be.
Six months later and having stored her words somewhere deep, I began volunteering at EBC.
So, here I am. Five and a half years of volunteering my time at EBC has come to an end, and the young psychic's words have resurfaced. (She was spot on, by the way, about the book not being successful and that's ok - I had a blast!) I've learned a ton from all of the people I've encountered at EBC - the owners, the therapists, other volunteers, parents, vets, farriers, instructors - thank you, thank you, thank you - each and every one. But I have to say that my true mentors have been my friends with special needs and the horses they ride. I can't imagine that any other beings on this planet could express these common sense lessons as clearly. I've been listening. It all adds up.
Trust + laughter + tears + change + honesty + patience + support + love = healing.
- Trust...life can be scary - believe in others and breathe deeply
- Laughter...life can be silly - just laugh, as much as you possibly can
- Tears...life can be painful - shed those tears, cry as hard as you need to
- Change...life is challenging - practice, one small step at a time and accept
- Honesty...life is too full of fakery - be true to yourself; it will be clear to others
- Patience...life goes by fast - focus, giving yourself and others time to process
- Support...life can seem lonely - share all you've learned and don't be critical
- Love...life can be unfair - hug, open your heart and give.
Though healing is something I've done most of my adult life as a physical therapist, I seem to understand it all on a whole new level. And I do feel I had a hand in helping heal my friends and the horses at EBC.
My life is now heading in yet another direction. Jim and I are heading to Virginia to start a new chapter in our retirement. Jitterbug is coming, too! My plan is to become certified in equine massage. I will pack up all that I've learned from you. I will trust and breathe deeply, laugh and cry, practice and accept, be true and focus. I will share all you've taught. My heart will remain open.
My journey of healing continues...farewell, dear friends.
...that's what you are. Unforgettable, tho' near or far." Incredibly, this song by Nat King Cole played repeatedly on my shuffled Ipod over the past couple of weeks at the barn. And this past Thursday, EBC lost one of its best - our Babe. Unforgettable Babe. Though he did belong to EBC, he was "ours" - he was everyone's horse. He greeted all with a happy nicker. He was the first horse for so many kids and veterans because of his steady demeanor. He was the first horse my husband rode at EBC and the first horse ever that my 89 year old mother rode. Calm, collected, gentle Babe.
When I began volunteering at EBC five years ago, I knew nothing about horses. Babe called me to him one day, just two weeks into my stint. He spoke to me with such wisdom in those eyes - those big bright eyes. He had much to teach me. He'd be my mentor and friend. I fell in love and fell hard. I cried tears of happiness then because he ignited a passion.
My early lessons were with our Babe. He taught me some of the finer points of horsemanship, like patience and use of energy. He nuzzled me whether I made mistakes or not.
After I had my trail accident, all swollen, contused and concussed, I chose Babe to be the first horse to get back on and the first to take for a safe ride on the trails. My therapist, my healer. Our trustworthy Babe.
And, so, this past Thursday, under a bright blue sky, I removed Babe's blanket so he could feel the warmth of the sun all over. As I groomed him for the final time, he looked back at me as if to say, "C'mon" and started to mosey down to the shale trail. I followed. His last wish was to be on the trail again. We could only go so far because the snow was too deep. And, naturally, he understood. On our way back, he paused to gaze up at the pasture where they grazed in the summer months. His eye relayed fond memories.
With that, as the other horses looked on from afar, we said farewell to one of the best, serenaded by the birds who accompanied "21 Horse Lullaby" from my Ipod, all to drown out our sniffles and sobs. Dear Babe, you will always be...
..."Unforgettable in every way. And forever more, that's how you'll stay."
Which are you...right or left brained, maybe a little of both? Introverted or extroverted? These categories describe the human psyche, simply put. Right brained people tend to show more creativity where left brainers have marked language skills and are more inclined to be systematic and organized. Introverts are more reserved. Extroverts are gregarious and have more of a need to be doing things, with other people. I'm a mix of left brain/right brain qualities but most definitely extroverted. I like to be outside and active. I'm usually always happy and smiling.
Well, today, I'm not smiling so much. I'm inside, it's cold...yes, it's winter and I am just so done with it this year! Snow is beautiful, there's no doubt, and I always looked at the cold weather and winds strong enough to make my house sing, as a challenge. I defied it to rattle my nerves. Well, I'm now in my late 50's and my nerves are rattling. When the sun shines, I most definitely feel better but I'm so tired of it taking me 20 minutes just to layer up before going to the barn. Feeling this way is not like me. And I don't like it.
So on this blustery day after getting enough snow to make us homebound, I'm feeling it's a good time to think about how our emotions can change from moment to moment, depending on the circumstances, and how these changes might be perceived and/or how they affect others.
What kinds of things make you go from smiling to tears, contentment to anger? Could it be a change in seasons? Discrimination and intolerance? Politics? Memories? So many things could flip that switch - that one action, one look, one sentence or even one word that might turn us inside out. We all experience these changes, from time to time. How we deal with these changes in ourselves and others is of utmost importance.
And now that I'm so involved with horses, I've learned that they have "horsenalities" which can change from moment to moment. Horses have also been categorized as being more right brained or left, more introverted or extroverted. Right brained horses, in their 'fight or flight' survival mode, will most likely flee and think about it after the fact, whereas a left brained horse is more of a thinker and quite curious. They might startle at that flittering butterfly but figure out pretty quickly that they are safe and don't need to go anywhere. Introverted horses have more "whoa than go". When you see a horse whose feet are a dancin', you know they're extroverted. BUT right brained horses can be left brained and vice versa depending on what's happening at any given moment. Pain, people, weather and other horses can change the mood of a horse.
So, with this bit of information, I've learned how to read a horse and to respond at any given moment in the appropriate way without reacting with emotion. I've been taught to think the phrase "how interesting" when a horse does something so out of character that you need to use a different strategy to deal with that particular horse that's shown up, perhaps the one that woke up on the wrong side of the stall that particular day. It helps the horse to rebalance, so to speak.
Now if I can just remember to apply this strategy to changes within myself and others. Who am I at this moment? What am I feeling and why? How about you?
How interesting!
Put the Relationship First. The biggest of the "commandments" of natural horsemanship. Put your goals and frustrations aside...not important - not in the long run. All too often, we think in straight lines. Our blinders in place, we cheer, "What do we want?" (Insert goal.) "When do we want it?" The response? "Now!!!"
Some learn from straight-line-thinking mistakes. Some don't. Marriages, families and careers fall by the wayside because of tunnel vision.
I learned, big time. August 12, 2012. A trail ride gone bad...very bad. First of all, my confidence had grown out of control. Jitterbug and I had been doing so well together that I had taken to riding with only a bareback pad and rope halter. No stirrups. No horn. No bit. No leverage. We had been riding that way on the same trails all summer. Well, something was different on August 12, 2012. JB started to balk at one blind curve not too far down the trail. I'd approach the area and he'd retreat. We did this twice, with him being the one to decide when to retreat and, luckily, I had been able to halt him with an emergency one-rein stop. My riding buddy said, "Maybe you should get down and lead him through." Did I listen to her? Did I listen to my horse? No. Ignorantly, I said, "I think we can work this out."
My goal at that moment was to ride that trail. I had mistakenly put on my blinders and failed as a partner...a loving leader who could be trusted. My display of confidence did not fool JB and there was something down that path he didn't like. We approached the area a third time. JB turned one way, then the other...I countered his turns with the reins. We stopped this "conversation" for a split second when he did a 180 and split. He's a Quarter Horse, which means his fastest speed is in the first quarter mile. Without any leverage, I was nearly lying on my back, arms and legs in the air. Then he stopped, threw down his head and bucked me off. The last thing I remember of that ride was flying in the air. I'm thankful I don't remember hitting the ground.
Without going into the gory details, I was diagnosed at the ER as having a fractured orbital floor, facial nerve damage, concussion, multiple contusions and abrasions. I became anemic from the hematomas and massive bruising. (I guess that's still pretty gory and my face hurts just writing this.)
That accident made me sad. I had failed my herd of two. It took nearly 9 months to regain confidence and build trust. But, on that day, August 12, 2012, I had been taught how to listen, respond lovingly and with understanding. And to put our relationship first.
Goals are still important and achievable as long as you "take the time it takes so that it takes less time."
Thank you, my Jitterbug Boy, for this life lesson.
"Natural Horsemanship" is a term coined by Pat Parelli, whose philosophies and methods are followed by all of us at EBC. There are many horsemen in the world who use these same natural methods; the most obvious differences are in the terms they use. Their goal is the same; that is, to make this world a better place for horses and humans.
Learning to be a 'natural' horseman means that you have to think like a horse. After decades of research on horse behavior, Pat Parelli created seven games that we humans can play when communicating with horses, in a language they understand. And in learning these seven games, I found it imperative to just sit quietly and observe the interactions of the herd. The first three of the seven games are the ones I have witnessed most frequently.
Friendly Game...it's as nice as it sounds. Horses will rub on one another, mutually groom and swat each other's flies by standing head to tail. Playing 'friendly' is what we do when we start any activity. We greet with a smile and hello, we groom (and they sometimes attempt to groom us - but no teeth are allowed!), we scratch their itchy spots and they use us as scratching posts. We allow the horse to see, smell and feel every thing we are about to introduce, be it a piece of tack or a toy or an obstacle, and even if they have seen it a million times before. This is the basis of a nurturing, trusting relationship.
Porcupine Game...it's as to the point as you can get, at least when the horses play with one another. They will use their teeth or a swift kick to move another horse out of their space. They lead up to porcupine with softer driving methods but, if the horse at whom these communications are directed doesn't move, the intention is then made fully clear -whoops...you can be sure they'll move faster next time. We use porcupine in phases of steady pressure. Porcupine can be used to move them in their stalls, get them out of your space or get them out of trouble and keep them safe. Our phases, using our fingertips or tip of a carrot stick (a communication tool), start as light as pressure on their hair, then deeper to skin, then to muscle & then bone. Most horses move pretty quickly off of the lighter pressure. Rare for us to use the last phase.
Driving Game...it's all about the use of rhythmic pressure without touching the horse. They use it on one another usually with their heads, bobbing up and down, increasing the intensity and speed as needed. Sometimes they can drive one another away with just a look - the energy is intense. We use driving game, like porcupine, in phases of energy intensity and for the same reasons listed above. I'm proud to say that I can back Jitterbug with the wiggle of a finger - cool stuff.
These games are also used to achieve bigger goals in our riding but we do them in baby steps. You can't be a straight-line thinker with a horse - 'I want to get on, ride and ride well and my horse and I will be perfect' - um, no, it doesn't work that way.
Being a good horseman, able to think like a horse - moment to moment - and understand their behaviors gives me pause. There is a tremendous amount of dissension and prejudice in our world. When I'm with the horses, now that I have a better understanding of why they do what they do and when, there is harmony. My patience has grown a thousand-fold and I'm happy to move in small increments to attain greater success in all aspects of life. The horses have taught me how to better 'put myself in someone else's shoes' to foster communication, compassion and breadth of knowledge. If only more people could have these mentors in their lives...
Peace.
Nearly four years ago, EBC acquired our dear Quarter Horse, Cowboy. He was a used up barrel racer who had been left in a field to rot. Forgotten. A skeleton covered by skin and dull hair. There were these things, resembling hooves, that had grown unsuitably long to properly protect the underlying bones, ligaments and tendons. He had zero affect, as lifeless as any living being could get. I had never seen anything like it...not up close and personal. That was then.
In the months that followed, his character emerged, though that character was scarred with a lack of confidence and distrust. He gradually gained weight. The farrier carefully trimmed his hooves, just a little at a time, to allow the ligaments, tendons and muscles to realign. His eyes began to shine. And his palomino coat...ooh, that golden coat simply gleamed with renewed health!
Many of us tippy-toed around him, only wanting him to feel calm, cared for and loved. Over time I realized he also needed a more assertive leader because all horses need a leader to feel safe and, if you're not the leader (or a confident one), they become dominant in different ways (and you don't want to be dominated by a 1,000+ pound animal - believe me). And Cowboy's dominance was based on that lack of confidence and trust - on both our parts. At times, he lashed out. "I need to trust! I need to feel safe!", he'd scream internally. He needed "love, language and leadership in equal doses".
He suffered from PTSD...post traumatic stress disorder.
At EBC, there are programs for veterans with PTSD and other afflictions. I was given the opportunity to work with the vets in these programs. Such eye-opening experiences. These men and women barely cracked a smile. They weren't even sure why they were there, stating that the program piqued curiosity but they had their doubts. They groomed, they learned ground games, they tacked and they rode. They bonded. With the aid of the horses over a short period of time, these wonderful people became more confident, more assertive, more open with their feelings and concerns and, best of all, more trusting. I heard one gentleman at the beginning of the program say, "I don't trust any one." And, nearing the end of the program, the vets were asked if they wanted to switch to a new horse. I then heard him say, "No, I trust Babe." He shocked himself when he said those words.
And then he smiled.
When you engage in any new venture, you realize there's a whole new language to be learned. In the equine world, it seems never-ending. First you have horse anatomy. I personally loved "A&P" in college so I picked up on this pretty quickly...poll, withers, stifle, hock, pastern, chestnut, frog - the list, of course, goes on. Then you have tack and parts of tack. That's all the stuff we humans put on the horse for leading and riding...halter, bridle, bit, cantle, pommel, girth/cinch (depending on whether you ride Western or English) - and that list goes on. Grooming tools...curry comb, Dandy brush, scraper, mane comb, hoof pick, etc. Styles of riding...Western pleasure, cutting, roping, barrel racing, hunter/jumper, dressage, endurance, competitive trail, gymkhana, vaulting - need I say more?
Then there's the need to learn to read a horse's body language, if you want to stay safe...perked or pinned ears? wild or soft eye? flared or relaxed nostril? swishing tail/stomping foot and are they caused by aggravation or flies? And how to read a horse's sounds...shallow breaths or blowing out? chomping or licking/chewing? whinnying or nickering?
Many of the clients who come for therapy cannot express themselves in words and use their bodies, hand signs and sounds. It's imperative we learn that, too.
I'm just throwing these well-defined and important lists out there to introduce to you something even more significant...the not-so-obvious silent language. The use of energy in our postures, gestures, facial expressions and breathing. Not only to be aware of their uses around the horses but with the clients who come for therapy...or for that matter, with anyone you encounter on a day-to-day basis.
One can be extremely loud in their silence just by raising their head and chest, or arcing an eyebrow...or picking up their walking pace, swinging their arms. Were you ever approached by someone who almost blew you backwards because of their energy? Horses pick up on the slightest of detail. They are extremely sensitive, so intuitive to a person's mental/emotional state, as they should since we are predators and they are prey. A person can take a breath in and the horse will raise its head and speed up...breathe out and the horse lowers its head, slows or stops. Amazing stuff. You can just stare at a horse and make them nervous - it's energy, it's pressure. Lower the eyes, pressure's off. Or stare but add a smile - makes a huge difference - and it makes sense for all of us. When an autistic child comes for therapy who is already on sensory overload, our team attempts to lower its collective energies with soft words, deep breaths, smiles or averted eyes as the child attempts to process, giving their nervous systems time to reorganize. Profound.
A young client (I'll call her "T") came for therapy one day in an irritated mood. Her day had been less than ideal. At the end of her therapy on Cowboy, our gorgeous palomino Quarter Horse (who has a story all his own), she fed him his treat and just stood there in front of his lowered face. She had totally quieted in her half hour session and stared into Cowboy's softened eyes. He felt no pressure from her stare. "T"'s own eyes welled as she stroked his face and gently whispered, "I love you, too."
Tissue please.
